Too Many Reasons Read online

  “Sorry.” He laughed. “I thought you saw me.”

  “Oh, hello stranger.” I wrinkled my nose at him. “I wasn’t sure if you’d make it to the show from the black hole you fell into.”

  “I’ve just been busy.” He kept his arms around me loosely. I ran my fingers under his eyes, cleaning up smudges of eyeliner.

  “Ignoring me.”

  “Abby.” He sighed. “Come on. We’re celebrating tonight.”

  I went back to work, restocking the table. “Is there anything going on after the show?”

  “Yeah, Mo’s having people over.” There was no need to bother with invites, it was just assumed.

  “Cool. How’s everything going with Eli?” I hated being so out of touch with the band. I liked being right in the mix of everything. But I had to be careful, I was pretty sure the guys in the band felt the same way about me as Mallory did about Devon. They trusted me with the business end but even though I know they liked me, they kept me at a distance. No one wanted to be caught in the web of our relationship.

  “Really good. The guy’s got chops.” Devon’s face lit up. Thank God. “You’ll see tonight. I think you’re really going to like him.”

  “He’s been upgraded from Karaoke Guy?”

  Devon laughed. “Yeah. I’ve got to go. We go on soon.” He squeezed my hand and disappeared. I still had so many questions. Had they written any new songs? Would they be playing them tonight? I guess I’d find out soon enough.

  His visit reminded me how lonely I was without him.

  The merch table was busier than usual during the intermission. People wanted swag now that it could actually mean something. Everyone wanted to know what was going on, and I was happy to tell them what I knew so far.

  I gasped when I saw Lexi was next in line. Her brassy blonde extensions had seen better days, I could see where the knots hung from her scalp from here. It looked like she’d traced her eyes with a Sharpie, and her puffy lips were painted bright pink. She crossed her skinny arms in front of her bare stomach, I think she was only wearing a bra. I wanted to ask her where her shirt was so badly, but then she’d bitch to Devon that I was mean to her, and it just wasn’t worth it.

  “Thanks for taking such good care of Devon for me.” She leaned forward smugly, her gum snapping between words. “He’s always horny as hell when he comes back from staying with you.”

  Sometimes taking the high road sucked. Anger rolled through my body. “What do you want, Lexi?”

  “We’ve barely gotten out of bed. Except for when my sister came over and joined in the fun.” Her lips slid upward in a smile.

  So being a whore ran in the family. I was surprised I didn’t smell the skank on Devon when he came over to me. Lexi knew more about my relationship with Devon than I ever wanted her to, and she knew exactly how to push all my buttons. “That sounds really…classy.”

  Someone approached the table for a T-shirt before Lexi had a chance to say anything else gross, and I’d never been so happy to take twelve dollars from anyone in my life. Satisfied with pissing me off, Lexi disappeared back into the crowd. I tried to shake off the fury she always left behind.

  When the lights fell over The Jezebel, the crowd began clapping in unison. Almost like a chant, the regulars all knew that the song Sinister Riot liked to start with, She’s Like a Gun, demanded their attention by starting with a strong drum beat. Climbing back up on my chair so I didn’t miss a thing, I started clapping, too. Partly because the energy in the room was contagious, but mostly because I was so excited about this show. Mo joined in on drums, and extended introduction to the song tonight in appreciation of the response. One by one, the band members came out on stage to cheers, and the loudest for Eli.

  That’s why they were all here. I stopped clapping. The moment was cheapened by that realization.

  Once the rest of the band joined in, Devon came out on stage in a frenzy. I still stood on my chair, hands clasped together. I warmed all over when I realized his stage outfit looked an awful lot like mine: leather pants, dark T-shirt, and long jacket, but he topped it off with a tall hat. As he spun around singing, the scarves he tied to his mike stand in homage to Steven Tyler trailed behind him. He always fed off the energy of the crowd, and tonight, he was on fire. He leaned down to sing to the people in the front row, slapping hands with anyone he could reach, climbing onto the monitors only to jump off of them, and running back to lean against Caleb and Frankie during their solos. Devon was never more comfortable than when he had an audience to watch his show.

  I’d never get tired of watching it, but when the crowd lost its shit one more time for Eli’s solo, I forced myself to pay attention to him, even for just a few minutes.

  It was pretty easy to see what his appeal was. He didn’t have Devon’s flashy stage presence, but he definitely belonged up there. He wore jeans and a brown leather blazer that looked like a prize find from a secondhand store because sadly no one made anything that looked like that anymore. He’d better be careful, because Devon would have his eye on that jacket. Eli’s choppy hair just brushed his shoulders, and his eyes were either closed or he looked down as he played, I couldn’t tell at this distance. He looked ethereal, like he was someplace else. He tipped his head back, and his lips parted enough that my breath caught in the back of my throat. His eyes opened softly, and I forced my own eyes down to his instrument. He ran his fingers up and down the neck of the guitar, making it cry out in response to his touch. When he found the sweet spot, he stopped, pressing and wiggling, manipulating the sound just how he wanted it.

  The way he did it was effortless, like it was just an extension of his body. Meanwhile, my body tingled watching his hands slide against the guitar. Devon was singing again, already halfway through the song. I’d been sucked into an Eli black hole and I didn’t even realize it.

  I spent the rest of the show distracted and conflicted. Every time my eyes wandered over to Eli, I felt like a traitor, but why? Devon had no problem ignoring my messages, or screwing everyone in Lexi’s family. He didn’t even try to keep it a secret and he didn’t apologize to me. We owed each other nothing. I knew that. But when I even thought about anyone else, something about it just felt wrong.

  New Orleans didn’t have a last call to use as an excuse to end the show. The band had to practically beg their way off stage because they didn’t have any more songs to play. And that was the best possible way to say goodnight.

  There weren’t many shirts left to pack up. Sinister Riot played at The Jezebel often enough that the manager let me keep merch in their storeroom so I didn’t have to lug it back and forth. Another reason why I loved it here.

  I waited by the stage for the band to break down their gear. Even though Lexi would be on her best behavior in front of Devon, I made sure not to make eye contact with her. I looked down the line of my own legs, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. All she’d have to do is smile at me and my mood would plummet. And tonight, for the first time in a long time, I already felt awkward. Like I didn’t belong.

  “Hey.” I didn’t know the voice, and I was surprised to see Eli standing so close to me, still in his stage clothes. “How are you getting to Mo’s?”

  “I have no idea.” I tried not to sound like a brat. Or pathetic. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if I should be going. I couldn’t think of any way the night wasn’t going to end with me in tears.

  “Do you want to ride with me? I don’t really know my way around yet.” He raised his eyebrows, and I’d swear he was holding his breath.

  I looked back over my shoulder, catching Devon leaning down from the stage and nuzzling Lexi in a blur. “I’d love to.”

  “What’s going on with you and Devon?” Eli didn’t waste any time getting down to business as soon as he pulled his car away from the curb. I hid my shock by looking out the window.

  “That’s an excellent question.” My muscles tensed. “But the answer is absolutely nothing.”

  “Hmm.” Eli�
�s reaction was quick and sharp. “That doesn’t explain why I was told that you’re off-limits, or why he was sucking face with that piece of trash tonight at the show.”

  Devon told Eli I was off-limits? All the wires in my brain were about to short circuit. “Take this left.”

  “No answer to that?” Eli snuck a look at me as he stopped in traffic. His lips turned upwards, amused. Bastard. Had he talked to my sister? “He treats you like you’re his girlfriend, until that other chick shows up. He talks about you like you’re his girlfriend.”

  My heart squirmed uncomfortably in my ribcage.

  “He’s my best friend.” It was the only explanation I had, although no one thought it was good enough. “Take the right after the church. Mo’s house is on this street.”

  He put on his blinker to make the turn, another sign he wasn’t from around here. We didn’t bother with such niceties. “Are you seeing someone else?”

  “No.”

  “Then why has Devon locked you up and thrown away the key?”

  I let the rage and confusion burn in through my body. It was obvious where Mo’s house was now, cars parked wherever they could find an empty spot and people headed toward the house with all the lights on and music pouring out of it. Eli didn’t need my help anymore. He parked the car and cut the engine, but he didn’t open the door.

  “Are you trying to make me feel bad?” I glared at him, my eyebrows pulled down. I would not cry right now. I’d lay down in traffic before I cried right now. “Because you are.”

  His expression softened, the smirk disappearing. “Not at all.” His facial expression might have mirrored mine. “I’m just trying to figure out why he told me to stay away from you.”

  He did? I couldn’t look at Eli anymore. “Devon’s not the boss of me. And as you see, it didn’t really work.”

  Eli laughed. “Good. I follow enough rules already, I don’t need anymore.” He reached out and took my hand off my thigh; I hadn’t realized I’d balled it into a fist. The shock of his touch relaxed my fingers, and he stroked his thumb along the length of mine. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Let’s have some fun tonight, all right?”

  I nodded, and then got out of the car. I couldn’t feel my legs. Eli waited for me, but I wrapped my arms around myself so he couldn’t try to hold my hand. I didn’t know if he’d even want to. Just because Devon would have doesn’t mean that’s what everyone did. Eli walked next to me, shoving his own hands in his pockets in case there was an award for Most Awkward Arrival. We were shoo-ins.

  I should have just gone home. I wanted nothing more than to be lost in my own thoughts, especially after everything Eli said.

  I was off-limits? Devon told Eli to stay away from me? What the fuck? On so many levels.

  “Follow me.” I smiled at Eli, trying to turn this night around.

  Mo worked as a sales rep for a beer distributor during the day, so as long as everyone was happy drinking beer, there was never a need to feel guilty about not bringing alcohol to one of his parties. He also brilliantly made friends with all of his neighbors. They never complained about his parties because they were at them. He knew how to work living in a college neighborhood in a party city to his advantage. If he wasn’t on the brink of something potentially awesome with the band, I’d strongly suggest he run for political office. “Let me show you why Mo’s house is the party house.”

  I led Eli to the kitchen, and held my hand out to the counter for the big reveal.

  Eli stopped dead in his tracks and stared in open-mouthed disbelief. “He put taps in on the counter?”

  “Yup. There’s a never ending supply of beer. So these parties don’t suck.” It looked like the party had started long before the show ended, and all the abandoned red cups I could find around the tap had already been used. I knew two things: not to investigate the neglected cups too closely, and that he kept his stash of fresh cups in the pantry. “I’ll be right back.”

  People gasped from behind the pantry door as I pushed it open. It wasn’t unusual to catch people doing almost anything in this little hideaway, but I didn’t expect to see Lexi’s skirt pushed up to her waist, or Devon’s hand on her hip.

  It only took a second before everything turned red. “I just need cups,” I muttered.

  I grabbed the entire package, enough for a month’s worth of parties, and got the fuck out of there as fast as possible.

  “Abby.” The same hand that had been on Lexi’s hip was now on my shoulder.

  “I said I needed cups!” I swung around and glared at him, my voice louder than it needed to be. Some people in the kitchen stopped their conversation to look at us, but this type of situation wasn’t anything new. Devon, Lexi, and I in the same room was a ticking bomb, and no one knew when it was going to explode.

  “I’m sorry,” Devon said, and for a split second, I believed him.

  “For what?” I really wanted the answer to that question. He didn’t owe me anything. I wondered if he knew Eli drove me here. Eli had to have asked him about me. That conversation we’d had in the car didn’t come from out of the blue.

  Devon took his hand away from my shoulder, looked up at the ceiling, and sighed. One more day I wasn’t going to get any answers.

  “Go back to your girlfriend, Devon. I’m going to get beer.” A lot of beer.

  Sometime during our outburst, Eli disappeared into the crowd. He didn’t even wait for his drink. I didn’t blame him, I would have walked away, too.

  I stopped at a couple clusters of people, but everyone was already deep into conversations and I couldn’t shake the unwelcome feeling I had all night. We were supposed to be celebrating the band’s success, and I’d been a huge part of making that happen. None of those guys would have been able to negotiate with the record company, or they wouldn’t have bothered, thinking there was no way it would actually happen. I didn’t expect anyone to bow down to me, but it would have been nice if somebody wanted to talk to me tonight.

  Screw them.

  I climbed up on the porch railing out front, and looked out over the yard and street. I drank the rest of my beer and watched everyone come and go. It seemed fitting, because I felt like something had changed and I didn’t know what it was yet.

  Eli came out on the porch, scanning back and forth. His face lit up when he saw me.

  “I’ve been looking for you.” He was smiling before he even reached me. “Nice tats.”

  I’d taken off my sweater, my bare shoulders revealing my tattoos; two flying doves, facing each other, with flowering vines trailing from their beaks just below my collarbones. “Oh yeah?” I ran my finger along the rim of my empty cup. “Thanks.”

  “Yeah. These parties are painful when you don’t know anyone.” Eli leaned against the railing, so my leg was almost touching his back.

  This party was painful even if you did know everyone. I wanted more beer, but not enough to go back in the kitchen and possibly face Devon and Lexi again. “I wouldn’t think you’d have a problem making friends here.”

  “I’m trying.” He ran his fingers through his hair, then turned around to face me. Or maybe he would. We hadn’t been exactly advertising for new band members. “Do you always dress like that?”

  Eli’s eyes had fallen below the birds and were now fixed on my cleavage swelling out of my corset. That was the point, right? “Like what?”

  “I’ve only seen you twice, but both times, you look like some kind of rock n’ roll china doll.”

  I hugged the sweater closer to me. “Are you making fun of me?” Mallory referred to my look as ‘slutty cartoon character.’

  “Not at all. I’m just not used to it.” He finished off his beer. “Do people usually make fun of you?”

  He sounded like a frigging psychologist. “Stick around. You’ll catch on.”

  Eli didn’t know what to say to that. I knew he was trying to be nice, but he was trying too hard. “I’m thinking of calling it a night. Do you want a ride home?”

&nbs
p; “I thought you’d never ask.” We both laughed, breaking the tension, as I swung my legs around and he gave me his hand to help me down.

  “Should we go in and say goodbye to anyone?” he asked.

  I looked in at the house, knowing that Devon was doing God only knows what in that swarm of people. “No. Let them wonder.”

  Eli nodded, looking surprised. “An air of mystery. Nice.”

  “Something like that.” I didn’t bother putting my sweater back on. It kept my hands busy on the way back to the car.

  After I explained how to get to my house, right down the street from The Jezebel, we rode in silence. It filled the car like a third passenger.

  “How do you like New Orleans?” I asked.

  “This place is crazy.” He sounded overwhelmed. “It’s taking some getting used to, but believe or not, some of it reminds me of home.”

  “Where’s that?”

  “New Jersey.”

  “I would have guessed New York, so I was close.”

  He looked over at me. “My accent?”

  “Yeah.” I hesitated. “And your attitude.”

  Eli laughed. “My attitude? What’s wrong with my attitude?”

  “I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it. You’re just different. More forward than I’m used to.”

  “I don’t see the point in beating around the bush. I just say what I mean.” He pulled in front of my house, a blue double gallery with white railings. “Do you live here with your family?”

  “Just my sister.” Suddenly I felt nervous. I didn’t know if he’d offered to drive me home expecting an invite inside. If he did, he was shit out of luck.

  Our eyes locked, making this goodbye even more awkward. My hand was on the handle of the car door, but I didn’t seem to want to open it yet.

  Eli took a deep breath. “I know we’re off to a weird start, but I’d like to see you outside of band stuff, Abby. If you’d like that.”

  I knew that was coming, but he still caught me off guard. “That sounds nice.”

  Even with just the streetlights, I could tell his face lit up. He exhaled. Eli’d been nervous to ask me out? “You would? I’d really like to see the city not as a tourist. I keep looking stuff up on the internet, and it’s all the tourist stuff. I figure you’d know where they kept the good stuff.”