Her Christmas Wolf (Sawtooth Shifters Book 4) Read online

  Trina didn’t come after me, or grab me again. The three ladies stared at me, wide-eyed, like my dread left a bitter aftertaste on their tongues.

  “She’s going to pass out.” The other worker, Lyssie, approached me. Maybe she was the one who’d do it. A wave of nausea passed over me, but I held it in. If I could talk, I’d tell them to stay the hell away from me. They were making it worse.

  “Fuck.” Trina got up and ran to her desk. She came back to me with the same urgency. “I have her medication. Someone get her a glass of water.”

  Kiera moved as quickly as Trina, coming back with the glass. She held it in front of me, Trina did the same—a pill in her open palm. I stared at both of them, unable to move. I knew that was my medication, but I had to convince myself it wasn’t a trick. I’d been tricked before.

  And the cages...

  I dropped the pill when I took it from Trina. My hands shook too much. She dropped the next one on my tongue. Kiera held the glass while I drank from it. It had been a long time since I’d been paralyzed to the point of helplessness by my fear. It was a place I never wanted to visit again.

  My breathing steadied, and the ladies finally exhaled when I stretched out. My muscles screamed in pain, still holding on to the terror.

  “Feeling a little better?” Trina asked.

  I nodded.

  “Panic attacks are the worst. I feel like my body gets taken over by an alien. Can you tell us what made it happen?”

  “Look at the picture. And the note,” Kiera answered for me.

  Everyone was quiet too long.

  “Holy shit,” Trina murmured. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea, Delaney. No one at CAST told me. We’ll get you out of here, but I’ll figure out a way for you to stay with us. If that’s what you want. I won’t give up on you.”

  “Please stay with us,” Kiera said when I handed the glass back to her. “Trust me. I know that’s not something you do easily. Neither do I. I thought this place was a joke, but I’m so much better for being here. Baron, my boyfriend...shit, I can’t tell you about him yet, it’ll freak you out. But give us a chance. I’ll talk to Trina. Maybe you can work at the barn. There aren’t any cages there.”

  She knelt down in front of me, taking the cat who’d settled in the crook of my bent legs and putting him over her shoulder. “And let me tell you something, no one will hurt you here. God help them if they try. They’ll have to answer to me, Trina, Lyssie, and a whole pack of overprotective guys who like to see the girls of Forever Home happy. I know you’ve probably heard a ton of empty promises, and had your heart broken more times than you can count. It’s going to be different this time. I know you don’t know me, but I don’t bullshit anyone. I promise.”

  Maybe I could try. Especially if there was a barn. I smiled and nodded once again. I wanted to trust these girls. They got it.

  Kiera squeezed my foot. “Awesome. I’ll be right back with coffee and cupcakes.”

  Chapter Three

  Shea

  Trina’s jaw dropped when I got out of the truck in front of the shelter. X waited for me in the truck. I braced myself for a ration of bullshit; she asked me to meet Shadow at the barn from now on, probably to avoid this moment.

  Sorry, Trina. You may have pussy whipped one wolf, but his name ain’t Shea Lowe.

  “I know, I’m not following your instructions. X will bring me to the barn. But I want to talk to you,” I said quickly, walking toward her. I wasn’t going to give her a chance to cut me off. “She’s haunting me.”

  My mind flashed between images of Delaney rolled in a ball, and me and my brothers in chains. We’d been kept in captivity and only freed to fight each other. They were one and the same, she was trapped in her own Hell.

  “Delaney?” Trina’s expression softened, and I could swear she wanted to smile. Not what I expected. Maybe she wouldn’t send me packing. “Good. Well, you know what I mean. I want to talk to you about her. Can X wait a minute?”

  “Yeah.” I held a finger up and X cut the engine. I followed Trina up the stairs. “Every time I close my eyes, I see her. All I can think of is her rolled in a ball, hiding from us.”

  “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you see her. But let’s talk out here first.” Trina stopped in the doorway. “We got her to open up a little. She drew a picture for Kiera that kept me up last night. Basically, she can’t stay here, at the shelter. But we still think we can help her.”

  “What happened? What do you mean?” Rage bubbled in my veins. I knew it was some serious shit, and I was about to find out what. And Trina better have a damn good reason for sending her away.

  I wouldn’t let that happen. I’d never felt so irrationally protective of any woman in my life. A human.

  If I brought a human woman home, my brother Major would flip his shit.

  Trina took a deep breath. “We think she was kept in a cage.”

  If Trina had kicked me in the gut, it would’ve had the same effect. I couldn’t breathe. “What the fuck?”

  “Right? I’ve been sick ever since I saw the picture. She can’t work at the shelter. How they agreed to bring her here is beyond me. She freaked out yesterday when she told us. It was scary, Shea. For all of us. I think she should stay with us. I can’t bring her back to CAST, they let her come here when that happened to her. I’m hoping that things might be easier for her at the barn. She could help you with the lighter stuff.”

  “Sounds great.” And the total opposite of what I expected. I came here not expecting Trina to let me see Delaney. I didn’t know what I wanted out of this, but like I said, she haunted me. I couldn’t leave someone like that without fighting for them.

  “I have to make sure that’s what she wants. It’s taking a lot for me to do this. You need to prove to me that I can trust you. Shadow will have an eye on you. Not just at the barn. All the time. That means no fighting. I can’t have Delaney around violence in any capacity.”

  I pushed my lips together. My work with Forever Home was on a volunteer basis, and the only money I pulled in right now came from underground fighting rings around Granger Falls. “She’ll never be around it.”

  “How are you going to explain a black eye or a broken nose to Delaney? What if they come to the barn looking for you? I know how this stuff goes. One lie can ruin everything for her. I’m not letting you do that.”

  “She’s not going to get hurt,” I growled. “But we can’t keep her in a bubble, either. Shit happens. If anyone knows that, it’s her. I won’t patronize her and keep things from her.”

  “If you fuck up, she won’t be the one that leaves, you will. Then you’ll never have one good reference to get a paying ranch job again, because you’ll have blown your last chance. You’ll be an old man, getting your ass kicked for beer money in the ring. Remember that.” Trina held the door open for me and we glared at each other before going inside the shelter.

  Delaney sat on the floor, surrounded by little dogs. She had a basket of tennis balls, and every canine gaze in the room was glued to her. Including mine. She rolled the ball across the room, and the dogs tore off after it, the one who managed to retrieve it so proud to bring it back to her. Her face lit up, cheeks pinked, when she took the ball from the dog and tossed it away again.

  It only took me a second to realize she had her back to the crates. Someday I’d tell her my brothers had been in those very same crates, because Trina had saved them from a dog fighting ring. That sometimes the cages could mean shelter and safety. But first she needed to trust me as a man before the moon turned full. She wasn’t ready for any werewolf shit.

  I sat beside Delaney. “Looks like you have your hands full with a bunch of admirers.”

  She spun to me, eyes wide at the sound of my voice, her lips turning up in a smile, then went back to her game. That wasn’t much of an answer, but light years away from last time.

  “My name’s Shea. I didn’t have a chance to introduce myself yesterday.” I looked over her head to wi
nk at Trina, who probably hadn’t taken a breath since I sat down.

  I loved fucking with Trina. She could totally handle it. She wasn’t afraid to hand us wolves our asses. If she could give it, she needed to take it. I was playing nice because I needed her, but she needed to know she didn’t have me by the balls.

  Delaney turned to me again. I held out my hand, thinking she might shake it. Instead, she dropped the slobber-drenched tennis ball in it.

  Oh, I liked her already. Besides, she was fucking adorable. Her curly blonde hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail, and dark rimmed glasses protected ice blue eyes.

  No, shove that way down, I told myself. This woman wasn’t ready to look at you yesterday.

  I played a couple rounds of fetch with the dogs. They sniffed at me, able to sense I was one of them. But they kept going back to Delaney. I handed the ball back to her. “They want you.”

  And they weren’t the only ones.

  Shit, this was crazy. I never got attached to women. I knew how to have a good time, don’t get me wrong. My name was interwoven into the legends of Granger Falls forever. My brother Major threw Full Moon Fever parties basically so we could all get laid every month. I’d taken almost every girl in town to the VIP area we called Red Heaven, but I never took them anywhere else. Some of them called me an asshole, but no one had any misconceptions about where they stood.

  Delaney was the only who ever made my head spin. And I liked it.

  “Shea works at the barn,” Trina interjected. “You’ll be working with him, helping him with the horses and the livestock.”

  Delaney looked over to me, and this time she really smiled.

  “We’ll bring you over there, and I’ll hang out for today to make sure you get settled.” Trina stood and reached for her coat. “I’ll bring the notebook, too. If you guys have trouble communicating, you can write notes back and forth.”

  I held my hand out to Delaney, and I wasn’t surprised when she didn’t take it. “I’m shit with words. Do you know sign language?”

  Delaney nodded.

  “Will you teach me?”

  Her mouth opened slightly, and her eyebrows raised. I wondered if anyone had ever asked her that before. She nodded again.

  I was shocked at how tiny she was when she stood. She only came up to my chest. “We’re going to make one hell of a team, Delaney.”

  “WHAT THE FUCK? DID she give you a spanking or something?” X laughed when I climbed into the truck. “Trina’s not that bad. She just likes things her way.”

  “That’s for sure. And I like things my way.” I cracked the window, cool air hitting me in the face. “They’ve got a new employee. She’ll be working with me at the barn.”

  X side-eyed me. “How’d you manage that?”

  “Long story.” I needed to protect Delaney, and I wasn’t ready to share her story with X. Not until I heard it from her. “But it’s gonna be good.”

  “Is she hot?”

  I squirmed, thinking of that little smile. “Not exactly.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  If I explained what I meant, X would know I had it bad. I wasn’t in the mood for his shit. “I told you, it’s a long story.”

  X grinned. “Dude, you’re into her. Major’s going to be pissed.”

  “Unless Major wants to be my girlfriend, or let me borrow his, he’s gonna have to deal with it.” Major was going to be pissed. Wolves couldn’t mate with humans. Shadow and his brothers were morons to think they could. They’d create a mess that none of them would be able to handle.

  And nothing could happen with Delaney. We were just working together. And she was teaching me sign language.

  Then why the hell couldn’t I think of anything else?

  “I got a call from Jacques. There’s a fight Friday night at The Redheaded Stepchild. Pretty big purse. Some guys in Vegas in town for skiing want to see a fight. Jacques told them he could get the best in Idaho.”

  “How much money?” I told Trina I was going to fight, because it was a part of who I was. And I told Delaney I was shit with words. I needed to fight to get all the things I couldn’t say out of my head. Otherwise, they’d drive me crazy. In a twisted way, fighting brought me peace.

  “Seven hundred bucks.” X pulled on to Shadow’s property. We’d been imprisoned here, when its former owner held the reins. It would always send a shiver down my spine to set foot on the land. “If you win. Don’t you want to know who you’re fighting?”

  “Tell him I want a grand. And it doesn’t fucking matter. He wanted the best, he’ll pay for me.” I stepped out of the truck. Trina pulled in next to us, and Delaney peeked around her, waving at me, but then popped back. Cute. Shit. I shouldn’t be messing with this woman. I was a monster. “And I don’t plan on losing.”

  Chapter Four

  Delaney

  ‘Selective mutism’ made it sound like a choice. It wasn’t. It was more like a paralysis, an absence of the ability to form words. I hadn’t always been this way. The last thing I remember telling my mother was that I was hungry.

  I’m missing a lot of things, before and after that. My brain knew what I could handle and what I couldn’t. What I do remember is static, hunger, pain, and constant fear.

  Things made more sense when a nurse put glasses on me and I could see again. I was in a hospital bed, they said I’d been rescued. An endless parade of doctors and social workers attended to me. We figured I’d been in that cage for seven years. I stayed in the hospital for a long time. I needed to heal. My insides were a mess, and they gave me new teeth. Mine had been knocked out.

  They all wanted me to tell them what happened. I couldn’t.

  Fear strangled me, crushing my windpipe like the foot on my throat. If I told them, they could decide I’d deserved it. Bring me back there. Do something worse. So I said nothing, even when I learned to write and draw. Someone taught me sign language, but I never got to use it. No one else knew it. I was really excited that Shea asked me to teach him.

  I had choices. The ladies at Forever Home showed me that. Instead of talking at me like I was stupid, or ignoring me like I was a vegetable, they talked to me. Included me. I’d been in hospitals, group homes, and foster homes, and that hardly ever happened. After Kiera came back with coffee and cupcakes, everyone sat on the floor, showing me how to play fetch with the dogs. It wasn’t often people took time with me like that, being patient with simple things everyone else knew how to do. They spent the rest of the day telling me stories, including me even though I never spoke. For the first time, I felt like I belonged somewhere.

  When night came, their boyfriends showed up. All brothers; huge, handsome men. Men didn’t scare me more than women; most of my abuse had come at the hands of my mother and sisters. I wasn’t used to seeing guys like this, with long dark hair and sky blue eyes. That color would always remind me of the first day I had my glasses, being able to see the sky through the window. It went on forever. I became obsessed with it, laying in my hospital bed. I could barely communicate, but I always knew how the sky was feeling. Sun, storms, clouds marching across with some agenda. There was no mistaking what the sky wanted. It was the first thing I drew when they gave me paper and pencils. It helped me heal.

  Every so often, one of the guys would catch me staring, and smile before I had a chance to look away. Even they made me feel comfortable.

  “Don’t try to coach her, Baron.” Kiera crawled over her boyfriend. “Delaney, you’re the tie breaker vote. Point to my left hand for cheeseburger pizza, or my right for pulled pork.”

  She hid her right hand behind her back and shrieked with laughter when Baron tried to pull down her left.

  “Oh! Denied.” Baron held his hand up for Kiera to high-five, but she shook her head and pushed him away playfully. I picked the pulled pork because I’d never had it before, and it was delicious.

  I even tried my first sip of beer. I didn’t like it. Everyone insisted it was an acquired taste.

  Se
riously, where had these people been all my life? One day and I felt like a different person. I felt like I was a person. And I was afraid to think of all the time I missed. I was twenty-two and this was the first day I did more than just exist.

  “I’d take a poll, but I think it’s unanimous,” Trina said, and Kiera and Lyssie looked at her. “We all want you to stay. But we know you can’t work in this building. We just expanded; now we have a barn for bigger animals. I talked to Shea, and he’d love the help. Wanna give that a try?”

  Shadow, her boyfriend, put his hand over hers. “You want her working with Shea? It’s December. It’s freezing out. She can help me in the office. The paperwork is a mess, now that Archer isn’t here anymore.”

  An uneasy silence fell over the room when Archer was mentioned, but no one explained why.

  “She’ll probably be the one to tame Shea, after all these years.” Dallas laughed before taking a sip of his beer. He sat beside Lyssie. I was pretty sure they were a couple.

  I picked up the notebook. How did you meet each other?

  Trina took it from me, then looked around the room as she read my question out loud. That weird silence was back, and I wondered if I’d ruined everything that had evolved over the afternoon. “The ladies came here from CAST, as you know. And we met the Channings through work.”

  Shadow nodded, and I didn’t dare ask any more questions.

  “So what do you think about the barn?” Trina asked. She nudged Shadow. “You can help this guy, too.”

  I wasn’t used to getting choices. I smiled and nodded.

  “Good. We’ll go shopping tonight, make sure you have warm clothes, and we can show you around town. How does that sound?”

  It sounded wonderful.

  THE STAFF OF FOREVER Home didn’t judge me, but they had no problem judging Shea. I didn’t like it. I had no idea what he’d done to earn their disdain, but it stung. I knew all too well how it felt to be blamed for things that hadn’t gone wrong, and to take the blame for other’s mistakes. All too well. I’d show him kindness because of that. Plus he’d been awfully nice to me.