Secondhand Heart Read online

  “That’s awesome.” I looked up at Cam, his face glowing in the early morning sun. He was still rocking bedhead hair. “So forgive me if this is ignorant, but I don’t know any other rock stars. What does all of this mean?”

  Cam’s eyebrows shot up. Either he was surprised by my question or he just wasn’t used to anyone asking about the nuts and bolts. “It means that I’m going to write some songs, and he’s going to help me put them together.”

  “I kind of know that.” We walked slowly in the soft sand. High tide had swallowed the easy terrain and lapped at our ankles. The water was finally warm enough not to make me scream on contact. Earlier in the summer it was still so cold it actually hurt. “But how? I don’t know how someone writes a song.”

  “I’d started setting up a small studio in the basement, but I can only do acoustic stuff here because we share walls with the neighbors, but it’s enough to at least get the ideas down.” If Cam thought my question was dumb, he didn’t let on. “But once it’s time to work with a band and record things, that happens in Nashville.”

  “That makes sense.” Even if I missed him already. “When do you think that’s all going to happen?”

  “We have studio space reserved in three months,” Cam said, stopping where a thin but furious canal fed into the ocean and split White Horse Beach in half. A flock of seagulls held court here, and they didn’t fly away just because we were standing there. They gave zero fucks about us. This was their space. And I loved that about them. I’d started to look forward to this part of the walk every morning. “So I have to get my ass in gear. I need about twenty songs in pretty good shape to go in with.”

  “How can I help you?” Of course I didn’t think I was going to help Cam actually write songs. What a disaster that would have been. Just because I painted a couple of tables with questionable results in no way made me an artiste. But there had to be something that I could take off his hands, like laundry.

  “You can help me.” Cam took my hands in his, and leaned down to kiss me. My toes sunk into the sand as I rose up to meet his lips. “I wanted to talk to you about that. I don’t know what your school schedule is going to be next semester, but I could really use some help at the bar.”

  “I haven’t signed up for classes yet.”

  “Don’t change your plans on account of me.” Cam stopped me before I even had a chance to say but. “I know you’ve never worked in a restaurant before, so I’d promote some people from within but I need someone there to represent me when I’m not around, does that make sense?”

  “It does,” I chuckled. “This was all a big job interview after all.”

  Cam bumped against me, sending me into an approaching wave. “Yup. You’re on to me. This is how I vet all of my new employees. I just thought maybe it would good be good for you—“

  “Good for me to what?” I wasn’t sure I liked where this was going. I could literally feel a door slam shut in my brain when he said that. Way to go, anxiety. You never let me down.

  “Good for you to be involved with something new.” Cam softened a bit, but he didn’t back down from me when I started shutting down. When other people did it, I retreated harder and faster. But for some reason, I’d consider what he said. He waited to read my reaction before he continued. “Sometimes it helps to be a part of something.”

  “I didn’t know you minored in social work.” Okay, my mind wasn’t that open. Baby steps. I added a laugh to try to make it sound better, but it just brought more attention to how defensive I was being.

  “Do you think I ever planned on opening a restaurant?” Cam asked me. I thought about my answer, because the way he phrased it, it was obviously no. “It was the last thing I wanted to do. But when investors approached me, I said yes. I just lost my record contract, I felt like everything I’d worked so hard for had been ripped out from under me. I wanted to come home, no matter what. With the restaurant, it gave me a way to do it on my terms.”

  “I know what you’re saying.” I didn’t look him in the eye. “And you’re probably right. I just feel like—“

  Cam leaned in and kissed me mid-sentence, continuing his campaign against my justifications. I giggled.

  “As I was saying, whenever I go somewhere, people are always whispering. There’s Daisy. Her husband died. She got fat. She can’t possibly think Cam Hunter is interested in her.” My voice broke a little on the last part.

  “They don’t say that,” Cam insisted.

  I nodded. “I know it’s true because they say it to my face.”

  Cam turned my chin so my eyes met him. “I don’t think any of that is true.” His thumb caressed my jawline, and I almost could forget why I was so upset. “And what better way to prove all of those people wrong by getting out there and living your life? If you hide from them—“

  “I know, I know, the terrorists win.” Another of the least funny jokes ever. “I’ll try.”

  He kissed me, wrapping his arms around me and pressing me into his body. We were probably putting on quite a little show for the rest of the walking crowd, and anyone who looked out their windows as we passed.

  “That’s all you have to do,” he said, his lips still inches from mine. “Just look at everything as one step at a time. Don’t worry about where it’s going. When I opened the restaurant, I never thought I’d meet you.”

  “So I’m a perk?” I snuck in a quick peck.

  “Yeah,” Cam sounded surprised I didn’t realize this. “We wouldn’t be standing here right now if wasn’t for the restaurant. And I wouldn’t have written some awesome stuff if I hadn’t met you. I probably wouldn’t have got the producer to work with me.”

  My heart skipped a beat. More than one, actually. “Wait. Did you just say you wrote songs because of me?”

  “I wrote songs about you.” Cam’s eyes sparkled as he told me about this. I mean, music was his passion. And he wanted to make it about me? I didn’t even know what to say. “And I can’t wait for you to hear them.”

  “Wow. That’s--” I was just stunned. I didn’t think I’d ever inspire anyone to create art about me. Jordan and I had been completely in love, but he wasn’t a shout it from the rooftops type of guy. This was telling the whole world.

  So overwhelming. In the best way possible.

  “You don’t have to say anything.” Cam started walking again, tugging me along with him. “Except what you want for breakfast, because I’m starving.”

  I jogged a few steps to catch up with him. “I just don’t—“ Cam stopped and pulled me in, about to kiss my argument away. I put my fingers on his lips to stop him. “Let me finish! All the things that other people think are wrong with me, you seem to like.”

  Cam nodded, but didn’t say anything. He looked a little confused.

  “I guess maybe I believe all those things people say.” A swallowed hard, trying to tell the lump in my throat to go screw. “I get mad at myself that I can’t make this easier.”

  “The last thing you should be worrying about is making things easier on anyone else. You lost your husband. Seriously, fuck those people. And I know it’s coming from the people you love, because you’ve shut everyone else out. But if they can’t give you the time you need, you need to just take it.” Cam sounded angry. His words shocked me. He’d always said this, but not with this kind of contempt. “I want you to get out and start doing things. Of course. But if they can’t see all the good things about you now, I don’t know if they deserve to see what you’re going to become.”

  “I can’t walk away from my family.” My words barely had any volume. “That’s too much.”

  “That’s the last thing I want you to do.” Cam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “But stand up to them, Daisy. It’s time you make them believe the good things about you, instead of them convincing you of all the bad.”

  I’d only had one real job before, at a daycare when I was in high school. On day one of working at the bar, I could already tell this job was going to be n
othing like that.

  “So these are the order forms for the alcohol distributors.” Cam opened a file on his laptop. I sat on one of his knees in his office chair, so I could have a front row view. “The sales for the night download from the registers, so we have a baseline idea about what we need to reorder. But I have Lisa physically go through and check the levels of the bottles against the information. People over pour and sometimes drinks don’t get rung in to the register.”

  “Does anything get done about that?” Sounded like stealing to me.

  “No, it hasn’t been enough a problem to have to address it.” Cam didn’t sound very concerned. “We usually put the orders in on Mondays, because that’s the slowest day. I only come in for that and take the rest of the day off.”

  I put “Monday—Booze Order” in my notebook. Cam laughed at me taking notes, but I didn’t want to screw this up.

  “Have you met Marcos, the head chef?” Cam asked as he opened up another spreadsheet looking document. I nodded. “He takes care of this stuff, but you should understand it just in case he can’t do it for whatever reason.” This program somehow broke down each entrée by sales and ingredients to reorder. The tedium of it all made my head ache.

  “Don’t you have any fun jobs?” I asked, rubbing my temples after adding “Food Ordering” to the Monday column. “You own the place.”

  “You have to make your own fun sometimes.” Cam kissed my cheek, his free hand sneaking up my shirt. “What kind of beer would you like?”

  At work? I could get used to this. “Draft or bottle?”

  “Bottle. I have to account for it, and it’s easier to get back here without anyone noticing.” Cam put his hands on my waist to signal for me to get up.

  “Right, got to set an example,” I laughed. “I like that Apricot stuff.” I could never remember the name of it, but my mouth watered for it the minute I walked in the door.

  Cam went to get our treats, and I sat alone behind his desk, not sure what to do with myself. I was kind of afraid to touch anything. The panic began to bubble in my belly, rising into my lungs. I closed my eyes and forced it down. This wasn’t a big crowd. This was Cam’s office. I just didn’t want to fuck things up.

  “Are you alright?” I didn’t realize my meditation moment lasted long enough for Cam to come back.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I jumped up so Cam could sit back down.

  “Are you sure?” He patted his leg so I could resume my spot. Once I sat back down, he pulled me in close with his free hand and rocked back and forth, his chin resting on my shoulder. “If you don’t think it’s going to work out, it’s okay. I know you haven’t done this before.”

  “I just don’t want—“ Cam grabbed my chin so he could turn my face to kiss it. I just rolled with it. “To screw things up while you’re gone.”

  “I don’t know what half this shit is.” Cam laughed. “Like I told you before, I’m going to promote some of the staff so they can take care of the stuff in their own departments. I just coordinate everything and make sure all the departments work together. It’s not that bad.”

  “That sounds easier.” I let out a breath.

  “And I’m not going to be gone until October.” Cam continued. “Do you have your school schedule yet?”

  “I think I’m only going to do two classes again,” I said. “Because I’m just not sure if I still want the same thing. So I’m going to do one in my concentration, and then, I was thinking of a management class.”

  “You don’t have to change what you’re doing for me.” Cam’s eyes widened.

  “I’m not. I’m doing it for me.” I smiled as his face lit up. “I’m really not sure if I want to do the same thing that I did before. So I’m going to dive in to that and try something different, too.”

  “That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard you say.” Cam kissed me. “Well, one of the best things. When you decided to go out with me, that was pretty cool, and then there was that day you moved in with me.”

  I laughed. “You make me do wild and crazy shit.”

  “Good,” Cam said, nuzzling my neck. “I’d say I was a bad influence, but I think it’s just the opposite.”

  “I don’t know why I listen to you and shut everyone else out.”

  “Because I have powers of persuasion.” He bit my earlobe playfully and I jumped and shrieked. I knew where this was going. I’d just filled out all the paperwork to actually be an employee. I couldn’t fuck the boss in the office on company time. Not on my first day, at least.

  “You do.” I shied away from him. “Can they wait ‘til we get home though?”

  “Why?” Cam pulled me back in closer. “Afraid the boss is going catch us?”

  I stood up and sat on the desk. “They really shouldn’t put you in charge of anything, you know that, right?”

  Cam tipped his head back and laughed harder than I expected him to. “That is exactly why I need to train you to do this crap. Then I don’t have to worry about following rules. It can be your problem.”

  “Oh, I see how you are.” I pushed at him with my foot. “Passing off what you don’t want to do. Just like a boss.”

  “Like a boss.” He laughed again. “You’re the one who’s all about the rules.”

  “It’s just that—“ Cam pulled me by my leg off the desk back into his lap. “Stop it! We can’t be screwing like jackrabbits when we’re supposed to be working.”

  “Says who?” Cam slipped a finger in my waistband. He had a lot more room than he used to, so hey, score one for me while I was being sexually harassed in the workplace.

  “Says me, the new boss lady.” I squirmed in closer, giving in to temptation, just a little bit. It felt good. “Okay, that’s enough.”

  “Fine.” Cam let go of me and sat back. “Back to work. Do you want to see how I do the schedule?”

  “Sure.” I got my own chair and pulled it next to him. We obviously couldn’t be trusted to concentrate on anything but each other when we were that close.

  “Really? You’re picking scheduling over fooling around?”

  “Does this place make any money?” I asked, doing my best to keep a serious look on my face. I tapped my finger to his lips. “Because you are distracted.”

  “Only when you’re here.” Cam made me melt. “Otherwise I can act like a perfectly respectable authority figure. You make me crazy.”

  Scheduling was losing its appeal, fast. He’d opened the program, and was explaining things to me, but I was having a hard time concentrating. You make me crazy kept echoing in my head.

  Likewise, Cam, likewise.

  A knock on the door startled me back to the present. One of the waitresses walked in. “Just a head’s up. Ashley’s friends are at the bar. Getting loaded.”

  “Fuck,” Cam sighed loudly. “Shut them off, and get them out of here.”

  “Are you going to going to go out there?” My heart pounded at just the mention of that bitch. “And do something about it?”

  “No.” Cam got up and locked the door. “There’s no way I can come out of that looking good. They’re trying to bait me into something that they’ll go to the tabloids with and blow out of proportion. So if I ignore them, they’ll get bored and go away. I hope.”

  “They’re bullying you.” I gasped. “They’re making you a prisoner in your own office.”

  “At least now I have some place to get away from them.” Cam looked so sad. “Believe it or not, this is an improvement.”

  “My mom took the kids,” Bree sounded timid when she called.

  “She did? Voluntarily?” Because that never happened.

  “Yeah, believe it or not. Do you want to do something today?”

  I could never stay mad at her for long. Bree wouldn’t be Bree if she didn’t rattle off whatever was in her brain. “Sure.”

  “I mean, I don’t know what you’re doing now, that you moved out, and school ended.” Bree rambled when she got nervous. “So if you’re busy, it’s cool.”<
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  “I just said okay.” When she got like this, she didn’t listen. We had that in common. “What do you want to do?”

  “Shopping and lunch?” she asked, even though I already knew that’s what she’d pick.

  “As long as we can eat outside.”

  “Deal.”

  I picked up Bree, since she lived in town and nothing was near Cam’s house. It was one of those perfect summer days, not too hot, slight breeze, and just a few cottony clouds hanging out in the sky. Perfect day for our plans.

  “Have you talked to your sister?” she asked as soon as she got in the car.

  “If you remember correctly, she’s not talking to me.” Bree couldn’t see my eyes burning behind my sunglasses. I hated being pissed at Ev. Even worse, I hated when she was pissed at me. Something about this one was dragging it too long, and just getting worse instead of better. I just didn’t know what to say to her about this. I wished Bree had never told me what Ev was really mad about. It was so much easier to think she was pissed over things that could be fixed, like bridesmaids dresses and mason jars.

  “I think she’s going to call off the wedding.”

  “What?” I almost drove into the mail truck on the side of the road. “Why?”

  Why hadn’t Ev just gotten over herself and called me? Because we’d been fighting about the wedding? Shit. This so wasn’t like her, to make this huge decision and tell Bree and not me. Of course, she knew that Bree would tell me. And I’d call her.

  Well played, Ev. Well played.

  “Because, and don’t get too excited about this, she realized you were right. That she’s putting together this whole thing and Roger’s doing nothing but looking out for Roger. He’s not excited about the baby, he says he has to focus,” Bree imitated Roger’s voice. “He’s just totally being selfish.”